A Sense of Him

I've been thinking back on all that I had built up in my head before venturing down to Nashville and laughing at my idyllic sense of what this whole "college" thing was going to be. I've been laughing while going through this process because of how incredibly silly I was to think it was going to be this instant, beautiful, just-like-the movies experience. That is so like me to do, too. The crushing reality that starting from scratch was hard and at times painful came as a horrible blow to my ego and my pride quickly caught up with me, setting up defenses against anyone who wanted to truly know who I was. Does that make sense?

Anyways, coming back second semester was even tougher than leaving home in the first place. My mind did a full 180 and was, in some senses, preparing for the worst: loneliness and struggles. More time feeling distant from Him.

And that's where God blew my mind.

Of course life isn't instantly the ideal I dreamed of back in August, but attempting to break down the walls that were thrown up in defense when I was feeling insecure has made for a much more exciting story than before. God has provided and provided, even when it seemed he was only taking away and taking away. He has broken me and allowed me to share my struggles with sisters that encourage me and help me back up. He has provided a family of believers who are getting to know me better and are providing a beautiful example of what it means to be God's hands and feet. Slowly but surely He is revealing himself to me and opening my heart again, bit by bit.

And I am so thankful.