I'm having a good summer so far - I mean, it feels great to be working and making money and seeing old friends again. But I just feel like I'm running behind in actually being a musician. I know so many incredible musicians who are spending their summers writing and performing and making money doing what they love and what am I doing? I'm working at Old Navy and nannying. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to have some kind of job, but I just want to do music, and I feel like I don't fully know how yet. It's like I'm missing something.

I also want to be doing some kind of ministry. I feel like in Nashville there were more opportunities coming up and then I got ripped away from there are have to...start over here, I guess. I don't know. I'm just feeling discontent right now. Blegh.

Action is Character.

What does that mean? I guess it's obvious that if we sit around and do nothing that our character - our personality and our values - are not going to take shape very quickly. I think that more than this, however, our actions give us purpose and continue to nudge us forth on the path that our lives are taking.

The paths that our lives are taking.
If each action is going to spur us on to where we are going to eventually end up, don't we want them to be meaningful, intentional actions? Perceiving the thought that way makes me want to be more intentional about BEING.

That's about as far as the thought has come yet in my head. It's so easy to think about actively pursuing purpose and much harder to put it into practice.

I know that for me living with purpose is living for an eternal purpose. I want so much for the people in my life to come to see they can live blamelessly and in complete freedom, serving a God who is perfect and will redeem this mess of a world in time. But then I have to go to work at Old Navy and seeing that heavenly purpose for living abundantly becomes much harder in the mundaneness of ringing up clothing. I'm trying to do this.

This summer my goal is to find God working in the mundaneness of my minimum wage job and the monotony of this suburban world. Life can mean so much more when we don't just let ourselves go through the motions we know so well. Intentional actions will help me to intentionally shape my characters into what I know God can make it. Easier said than done.

Let's do this thing.

A Week Changed It All!

So, I am now at that "week from now" point I wrote about last Sunday. I've finished my finals, said my goodbyes, had my tonsils removed and driven home right after the surgery. Thankfully the dosage of drugs I was on made the first two days okay, but I'm trying to wean myself off those narcotics now and it's proving more painful than I thought. Not that I'm addicted, just not being doped up means I feel a much higher level of pain. Probably a 5 on the scale to 10. Endurable.

My uvula is pretty swollen, and that plus the pain meds going down kept me from eating much of anything yesterday. Gahhh, I'm really hungry. I may go back to a fully narcotic dose of meds and then just scarf as much food as I can, but that's probably not the best idea. I'm just gonna have to suck it up.

I'm hoping that this pain getting worse is the scabs falling off and healing quicker than expected. I just really have no clue. I'm not in as bad of pain as many of the stories I've read, but I'm not just fine like other stories I've read. Just resting and hoping for a quick recovery. Luckily, I can talk decently, which is nice for when friends have visited.

I just am ready to be back to normal - also, I want to SING something!

But really, I have nothing to complain about.
Just needed to vent a little bit of frustration.

ANGST.

I'm really anxious.

I have yet to start packing, everyone's leaving, I'm getting my first surgery ever on Thursday, and I'm just really not sure what this summer has in store. I'm scared of change and scared of things staying the same.

I just want it to be this time next week.
Angst.



That's all today.

The Rainpocalypse and What It's Brought About

Nashville flooded this weekend. A LOT of water is happening around here.
Belmont stayed pretty dry, and I thank God for that, but it throws things out of perspective. Here we are, forced to keep on campus and studying for finals and there are bodies being uncovered in the floodwaters, houses rotting because of water damage, famous landmarks devastated.

I'm living in a part of the country that the president has declared a Federal Disaster Zone. And there's not much I can do but refrain from doing laundry or showering too excessively.

So much is happening here in Nashville. I've met so many new people and grown in my faith immensely in the past few months and I'm going to be torn away from it in just a few days. Last semester it was so hard for me to acclimate and now it breaks my heart to have to leave.

God is doing such big things in this city and I don't want to miss out on any of it. I guess I'm going to have to find God's work in the dreary suburbs this summer. I just pray that I can find others to encourage me and live with purpose this summer. I'm so scared I'll just fall into complacency - but no, I refuse. God will do big things this summer, I just have to let him.

Bring it on.