Scattered thoughts on "New Monasticism"

New Monasticism? Sweet.

“Enlivened by an understanding of the church as first family, celibacy has stood alongside marriage for two millennia as an embodiment of a vocational narrative that’s wider than individual ambition and more enduring than the American dream.”

In other words, SINGLENESS IS OKAY.  Shane Claiborne spoke at my school yesterday and said some really beautiful things about being single and about being called the face of the “new monasticism”.  Now it would be easy, as a single person, to simply take to this as a comfort statement.  However, encouraging as it was, it really got me to thinking that this is something we really do overlook too much!  So many of the greatest innovators in the Church were celibate.  Just look at Paul, or Mother Theresa.  Our culture never promotes this kind of life.  Ever.  But really, it’s something for us as Christians to really consider.  

Instead of focusing on the fact that we are single, let us embrace it and use that freedom to bring about growth and change!  Shane said something along the lines of this, and then added that it doesn’t necessarily mean a vow of celibacy for life, as the members of Catholic religious orders do, but rather that we marry ourselves to Christ.  

Also, if there is someone that is going to help us in fulfilling our purpose as Christians, someone who will help us grow, then we must embrace that, too!  But I think that will only happen when we are so invested in God’s will for our lives that we can see clearly that such a relationship would be of Him.  

Just some thoughts…

I am learning.

My heart is in a battle between bitterness and softness.  Between joy and fear.  Between loving others and fostering bitterness towards others.  It really displays quite well how I have been towards God this semester, as well.  Complacency is my enemy, yet it is my best friend.  If I am to really know the heart of God it is going to take more perseverance than this.  

God softened my heart this morning.  I came into worship bitter, holding onto some jealousy that I won’t get into, and left feeling much softened.  I’m a work in progress.

My cry is to pursue God with consistency, even if the emotions are not present.  Because pursuing God is not about emotion, it’s about devotion.  Because I’ll never get anywhere, there will never be growth, that is, unless I give everything over.  

He gives and takes and then gives. And then He asks us "What will you do with these gifts?"

It's funny how God likes to bless us when we feel most like we don't deserve it.  In the same way, he tends to take away at the most unexpected times, as well.

I've been really crappy to Him lately.  And what kills me is knowing that He doesn't need me.  I desperately need God but I avoid Him, whereas He doesn't need me at all and yet is jealous for me.  He longs for me to pursue him with full abandon, but I'm too scared to fully give my heart to anything.  The more relationships I build in this life, this life that is more my own now that it has ever been, the more scared I get that I'll get hurt.

However, I tend to not really recognize that fear for what it is.  I think that a lot of the time I, unbeknownst to my own self, put up walls.  Walls that keep me from hurting others and walls that keep me from getting hurt.  But Jesus loved with everything he had, unconditionally.  He preached truth even if it wasn't necessarily what people wanted to hear.

This is the area I struggle most in.  God continues to bless my life far beyond anything I deserve, and His challenge to me is "what are you going to do with it?"  And so far my answer has been, "Thanks for giving me this awesome life - do you see how good I am at managing it?  Do you see that I've been productive in getting into a good college and making friends and being a good person?" And as wonderful as that all is (and I'm not complaining, it is wonderful and I'm proud of where I am), Jesus wants so much more from us.  He wants us (me) to be willing to give all that up and follow wherever he leads.  He wants us to sprint into his arms and live as he lived, loving until it hurts and speaking truth into the lives of all we meet.

For me, that means getting out of my freaking comfort zone.  Now.

Perpetually in Progress

These days it feels as if each new day brings some small defining moment.  Maybe it's just college - we over-think every aspect of life and where it's going, every aspect of every relationship and each small decision we make.  But maybe it's true that every day brings us one step further out of who we were and one step closer to who we were meant to be.

I've just been feeling this urgency to define myself - to know exactly who I am, where I am going and to know just the right way to go about doing that.  But that does not necessarily sound like what Christ has told us to do - he has told us to define ourselves in Him, and that if we have strength enough to do that, he will show us the way - his way.

And let me tell you, I suck at doing that.  A lot.  But I'm working on it.  I am a work in progress.