Learning To Be An Adult

I feel like this semester is going to be one colossal lesson in how to be an effective, Christ-following adult.  In every sense of that title: spiritually and in real world, practical life, though I do believe the two are inextricably linked.

One of the biggest challenges for me in becoming such a person is learning how to have real, difficult conversations.  Conversations where there is conflict and disagreement, but is rooted in love.  Conversations such as this have come up lately in talking with people about where God wants me investing in a community of believers, in where I am supposed to live next year, and in what I should do with my summer to best glorify God while also being smart economically and effective as Jesus' hands and feet in this hurting world.

These are all really big questions - questions I used to avoid like the plague.  I hate conflict.  I like to pretend things are okay when they are not, and that is something God is continually drawing me out of by putting me in uncomfortable situations.  I am unendingly irked by this, but also so thankful.  I am becoming more and more my own person, while also becoming more and more connected with my Creator.  And it has been tough, day by day, but I am feeling growth, and that is something I have cried out for for so long.

I don't know where exactly my life is headed right now.  No one ever truly does.  But journeying through it all with all of my trust in Him is going to lead me exactly where I need to be, and I am confident in that.  The lesson has begun and it's one that may never end - I am ready.

Sweet Summertime?

In college, summers become more complicated.  Where am I going to live next year?  Will it be on or off campus?  Will I be at school or at home?  Do I have to be at school because of a leasing arrangement?  Where can I make the most money?

These questions are stifling God's voice.  I'm having so much trouble listening.  Sometimes I feel like the only person thinking about the practical.  But maybe the practical isn't as important as what God is calling us to do.  Or maybe the practical is a PART of what God is calling me to do with my time this summer.

Here's the thing - I was supposed to go to Haiti this spring break.  The trip was cancelled.  Any other trip I've found seems to be too expensive.  The funds are just not there if I want to live in Nashville next year and still eat.  God provided the funds that were needed for the school sponsored Haiti trip like nobody's business.  It seemed so right and he provided so faithfully, but now I'm lost.  It is so hard to hear his voice when my head is screaming "stay practical, make money" and many of my friends are going off to distant lands to fulfill his great commission.  I am lost and left behind - I want what is going to bring Him the most glory because that is the only thing that will bring true joy, I just can't see what that is.

Angst.