Ain't Never Gonna Happen?

I'm not sure I'll ever write, finish and like a song of my own.

As a musician, I definitely have all the necessary skills. But I don't know, maybe my creative juices don't flow fast enough. Maybe I don't have enough intense emotional experience. Maybe I'm just not meant to. Either way, I just don't know if it will ever happen.

And that upsets me.

Ugh.

I'm struggling with myself this summer, it seems, but I'm learning to be patient. I'm learning to try hard at bettering myself, and not just thinking it will happen magically. I have always, in a way, lived with this absurd notion that thinking about how I should do better would lead me to actually being "better", whatever that means. Being the person God wants me to be is going to take hard, intentional work.

I've always understood the idea of living intentionally for OTHERS, but never really applied that to myself. I have to intentionally strive towards becoming more and more like Christ, because if I'm not putting in any effort God has nothing to work with. Then there won't be any growth.

DUH. REVELATION!
Story of my life - growth coming from tiny revelations piling themselves on top of each other.

ANYWAYS.
The life of Rachel:
Is not exactly how I wished it would be when thinking about all that could happen this summer.
I'm nannying two awesome seven year olds that I really hope I can actually make a good impression on. That would be nice. I've always thought I liked babysitting, but never thought I was the best in the area of childcare, so I'm trying to be the cool nanny while at the same time being an authority figure. It's not easy, but I really feel like God wants me to invest in these kids, and I'm just praying he'll use me.

God is testing my patience at Old Navy. Not sure how many more years I'll be able to take having that as a part time job. We'll see.

Nothing's changed as far as my friends go, which is nice.

As much as I miss the Nash, it's good to be home.

A Literature Whirlwind

Okay, so in an effort to keep my mind alive and maybe find some inspiration this summer, I'm compiling a reading challenge. My favorite kind! I have collected a diverse conglomeration of books and have technically already started. I'm gonna keep a list here mostly to keep myself accountable for reading them all!

BOLD = DONE, ITALICIZED = READING, REGULAR = HAVEN'T STARTED

The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Victor Hugo
Juliet, Naked - Nick Hornby
Testimony - Anita Shreve
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card
The Screwtape Letters - C.S. Lewis
Redeeming Love - Francine Rivers
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - F. Scott Fitzgerald
The Entire Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
The Four Loves - C.S. Lewis
The History of Love - Nicole Krauss
The rest of Fitzgerald's short stories!

The list will probably become impossibly longer. I want to finish this list by mid July though, so I can get another group through before school starts. Call me crazy, but it's just not summer unless I'm doing insane amounts of reading.