Intentionally Being.

You wanna know one thing about college that I'm not too crazy about? The fact that it took me a good fifteen minutes to find somewhere that I could feel at peace and free to write. I wanted to be outside, but since it's 11pm it had to be somewhere not too dark and sketchy. I didn't want to be in my room or the library, but I don't have a car to go off somewhere and just BE.
Sometimes I just want to be. The outdoors, the moon, myself, God and my thoughts, and that is not an easy thing to achieve in college.

There's been a lot to think about today. I am feeling very filled spiritually, which is good because as of yesterday I was feeling pretty dried up. This was partially my own doing, I was doing a good bit of starving the holy spirit and probably (or, more likely, definitely) still have some freeing of my soul left to do. This was the passage today that really slapped me in the face:

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppressed the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse."
-Romans 1:18-20

I am so guilty of this, but never fully understood the passage until now. We talked tonight about how the "wrath of God" can actually be God allowing us to have our sinful desires that we so lust after. For me that's complacency, impurity and the wasting of time. I have been so blessed with such an awesome upbringing, but that often hinders how powerful I perceive God to be. He is so infinitely powerful! Just look outside! How can we deny that we should be worshipping the creator? And yet we (I!) continue to worship the CREATED. Idolatry.

Sometimes I disgust myself.

So now I'm sitting outside Wright Hall in the dark trying to mull over all that my soul is feeling right now. I struggle so much with falling back into complacency - I pray that God takes me out of that and reveals his awesomeness and then I forget to look for it.

I have no idea what this summer, or next year, or the year after that holds. Heck, I don't even know if I'll be alive. But I pray that with the time I have left I will hold fast to what I know is true and worship him who couldn't help but CREATE, instead of finding things to worship amidst the mess we've made of what God so lovingly created.

Let's do this thing.